For Hannah and Dad.

This week my good friend Grace's sister Hannah starts her radiation treatment. Grace is an army ICU nurse saving lives in Baghdad and she's smack in the middle of a 15 month tour. I know she wishes she was back home with her sister and playing with her brand new nephew, but Uncle Sam screwed that one up. Please keep Hannah in your prayers... because if you don't Grace will kick you in the shins :)

Coincidently next week my Dad goes into surgery to start his treatment. Its not exactly how I envisioned spending my 30th birthday, but I'm glad I'll get to spend it with Mom and Dad (for the first time in a long time). I know Dad's going to be fine, and hopefully the Nets decide to win a couple games while he's recovering to make treatment go a little easier (and make that push into the playoffs).

So if there's one thing this soon to be suddenly over-the-hill triathlete wannabe wants for his birthday wish...it's a full and speedy recovery for Hannah and Dad.

Things I thought about on the treadmill this week.

1. After paying attention to her lyrics, I'm just realizing Sheryl Crow's a real Debbie Downer.
2. My feet hurt.
3. If (when) I finally make it on American Gladiators... am I going to refer to host Hulk Hogan as "Terry" (his given name), "Hulkster" or "Thunderlips... the Ultimate Male" during those awkward rehearsed interview segments. I'm leaning toward Thunderlips.
   
4. That G-37 Coupe is sure one sweet ride.
   
5. What's the difference between V-8 and tomato soup?
6. Gene Wilder doesn't get enough respect.
   
7. Could I beat my 13 year old self in the Standing Broad Jump now?
8. Why am I not running outside?
   
9. Britney Spears video, Avril Lavigne video, Christina Aguilera video, Jessica Simpson's sister's video.... Who are you catering to Gold's Gym?
   

Fifteen minutes to Judge Wapner...

Effing rain, man. Half an hour ago it was sunny and 67 degrees with a brisk breeze. Now it's all London outside without the accents. Way to piss on my President's Day nature. Why did I ever leave southern California?

Celebrate our forefathers with a sunburn

It's 70 frickin' degrees out in DC on a federal holiday. I encourage you all to step away from the computer/TV and do the same. I'm going out and flying a kite or something.

This RIO is ready to take the front seat.

Try as they might to do the contrary Mom and Dad raised a Goose, not a Maverick. Goose, as most of us know, was the role made famous by Anthony Edwards in Top Gun. As the Radar Intercept Officer (RIO) for Tom Cruise's Maverick, Goose literally and figuratively took a backseat to his charismatic Alpha Male buddy. But that was what he was supposed to do, as Goose was by most accounts popular culture's gold standard for Beta Males.

A Beta Male as defined by Urban Dictionary is "an unremarkable, careful man who avoids risk and confrontation. Beta males lack the physical presence, charisma and confidence of the Alpha male."

Betas can certainly from time to time exhibit Alpha characteristics, but its not who we are in our blood. Popular culture dictates that Beta Males make ideal sidekicks and wingmen. Betas lack the self assuredness and ego necessary to be a natural front runner. Beta Males don't like buzzing the tower.

For about 7 years now, I've been passively trying to get off my ass and do a real triathlon. But I failed to grab the bull by the horns and commit. I could blame my passivity on my Beta tendencies, but its probably more likely that I was just being lazy.

My Dad's diagnosis late last summer provided all the motivation that I needed to finally do something. I'm not doing this triathlon for myself. I'm doing it for my Dad who I know will be better by the time I'm done training in May. And that's why this Goose is in this race to win, as completely unreasonable and unrealistic as that sounds.

And even though ultimately Goose gets cooked, Top Gun has proven to be the exception rather than the rule of Betas getting the short end of the stick... at least according to the movies. Here are a few notable examples of Betas succeeding.

(Superbad -2007) We can all rest easy knowing that TV and Movie producers can always turn to Michael Cera to effectively portray awkward, introspective nerds for years to come. And yes, in case you were wondering, Jonah Hill was obviously the movie's Alpha Male.




(Back to the Future -1985) Ironically enough Alpha Male Marty McFly helped his Beta Male father George McFly overcome his Alpha Male tormentor Biff. Also its unfortunate that there are not more women named Lorraine out there. Every girl should be so lucky to be somebody's density... I meant destiny.




(Sideways -2004) Pig Vomit from the Howard Stern movie and Lowell from Wings show the classic Beta-Alpha friendship.










Pictured here with TV's favorite ad pitchman and Alpha Male older brother, Eli Manning proved to Tiki Barber that Beta Males can in fact win a Superbowl.

Eli Manning?!?! Superbowl MVP?!?!

The Big Blue Wrecking Crew is back.
I think 2008's going to be a good year.